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“If you were on a cruise ship that was about to sink, who in the crew would you like to have a great relationship with?”

This quote came to my attention recently. I have no idea of its origins. But it makes a very powerful point about the purpose of some of our relationships in the workplace. Often, we know a lot of people and shake a lot of hands. But do we know the right people when we need to?

When we look back at our careers, it is likely that the breaks we have had are down to the contacts we had. At some point someone acted on our behalf and pointed us towards a brighter future. They informed us of a possibility and opened a door for us. And why? It is likely that they felt they owed you something because at some point in the past you had been good for them.

Plato had a point when he said “Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something”. He must have been to some of the meetings I have attended!

I once conducted some research which showed that managers spent on average 2 days a week in meetings. That in itself is alarming, but the more alarming point is that most managers felt that the majority of these meetings significantly wasted their time.

“Everything is negotiable. Whether or not the negotiation is easy is another thing”. Carrie Fisher.

The hardest thing about negotiation, in my personal opinion, is maintaining the ongoing discipline of imagining how the other side sees things.

How many times have you ended up in an argument or dispute only to later find that the other side actually did have a good point? Maybe you couldn’t process this at the time because you were against the clock, because it was poorly explained, or because you just didn’t like each other. Whatever the reason, a deal was not done when it could have been. Like you, I have been there many times regretting that more wasn’t done in the deal when it could have been. Richard Holbrooke records how WW1 started because of a botched negotiation. It needn’t have happened. Quite a sobering thought.

 The BMJ (British Medical Journal) document  ‘Occupational and Environmental Medicine”  indicates that stress arises from situations “that are unpredictable or uncontrollable, uncertain, ambiguous or unfamiliar, or involving conflict, loss or performance expectation”.  

We have certainly all had that feeling at one time or another, the sense of loss of control, things running away from us. What can we do about it?

We know we can’t control the emotional state of others but we can definitely influence them by creating the right thinking environment and developing our own leadership behaviours in support.  We have already looked at how, as leaders, we can create generative thinking by designing the best climate for thinking in the team. But leading a great team event is a particularly strong challenge. Leaders also need to look at themselves and consider whether they behave in the best possible way to create a positive climate in the team. 

A friend of mine once told me that “people only change behaviour when they win” and I do believe there is truth in that.  It is so easy to give up trying something new if at first you don’t succeed.  Neuroscience tells us that it take 10,000 practices to form a new habit, allowing the old habit to slowly die.  So how can positive change work in groups where each person has to believe they can win before committing to change? Each person will have their own fears and insecurities and will potentially avoid changing the way they do things, so galvanising a group becomes more difficult. The leader’s role and their role modelling are pivotal to changing a group’s thinking and attitude.

We have all had that Eureka moment when running team events, that moment when they ‘get it’. It’s a brilliant feeling for the person running the event, at that moment in time we see the energies fuse and the participants serious about making the event a success. It’s a great thing to experience.

Events are sometimes held for ‘team building’ reasons, which is really all about enabling people to feel comfortable with each other. The best events in my opinion though, are those which have a clear purpose and targeted output. In other words, the team builds a solution to something which gives a direct benefit to the business.

We are really looking forward to working with you in 2019!

Our focus in this coming year is on delivering a clear ROI for the training we deliver with you. Check out our approach by clicking here.

We would like to thank you for a great 2018, many challenges and many achievements. It has been great working with you, the relationships we have formed this year have made work a real pleasure...